


Hot-Blooded

by LottieWarwick



Category: Glue (TV), GlueE4
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:39:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2592104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieWarwick/pseuds/LottieWarwick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cal hasn't come to meet James as promised and it's not the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Cal failed to arrive for their secret tryst, James didn’t worry. Cal had warned him it might not always be possible for him to get away from the camp, and despite being only fourteen, Cal did have a life of his own. James was disappointed when Cal didn’t reply to his texts or, better still, come to the farm make it up to James with kisses, but he tried not to be upset. He knew Cal would have been there if he could. 

When the same thing happened for a second time, James began to experience the first nagging feeling that something might be wrong but he did his best to ignore it. There was probably some good reason why Cal’s phone was never switched on when James called, and why the texts he sent said little other than Sry bout 2day c u soon love u xx. 

James tried to convince himself he was worrying over nothing. Cal always said that he worried too often and too deeply, and James thought he was probably right. None of his friends seemed to worry as much as he did, though James couldn’t help thinking that Tina wouldn’t have taken it quietly if Rob had stood her up. For that matter, Rob wouldn’t have reacted that well if the situation were reversed.

So maybe James did have a reason to feel upset or angry, but short of visiting the camp, which Cal had told him not to do, he didn’t know what he could do about it. Asking Eli could only to be a last resort. Even thinking about Cal in front of Eli was apt to make James blush, so how could he even mention his name?

Yet when another night passed and there was still no sign of Cal, James’ concern for his boyfriend began to outweigh his fear of discovery. He spent half the day working up the nerve, and finally (when Eli was in the next-door stall, and therefore unable to see his face) he mentioned the fact that he hadn’t noticed Eli’s kid brother hanging around the stables for a while.

“I’m not sure where he’s been hanging out the last few weeks,” Eli said, his voice darkening with the concern of a brother who not only has no idea what his little brother is up to, but also no idea how to find out. “But he hasn’t been anywhere for the last few days, he’s been ill in bed.”

“Shit, what’s wrong with him?” James blurted, his anxiety overriding his usual reticence. 

Fortunately, Eli chose that moment to drop a horse’s water tray, and James’ frantic words were drowned out by the clatter. When Eli asked him to repeat what he’d said, James managed to do so in a calmer tone.

“I think he’s got flu,” Eli said. “A bad cold, anyway. He’s coughing and sneezing all day and all night, and growling and snapping at anyone who tries to get near him. Poor Cal. He hates being in bed.”

James decided not to say that he’d been given completely the opposite impression.

“He always has done,” Eli continued. “You know what Cal’s like. He likes to be free. He likes to go where he wants, when he wants, and that’s a bit difficult when he can hardly get out of bed on his own.” He exited the stall and came to stand beside James, who fought to keep his face impassive. “You’d think I’d be glad to know exactly where he is for once but I can’t be glad when he’s so ill.”

“Poor Cal,” said James, and he tried to show only a fraction of how much he cared. “I hope he feels better soon.”

“Thanks, mate. I’ll tell him you were asking after him.”

James had for the most part respected Cal’s wish that he avoided going to the caravan park but now he knew the reason for Cal’s absence, he couldn’t stay away. So he invented an urgent errand he had to run that could conceivably keep him away from the farm for a couple of hours, and took himself off to see Cal. There was, of course, no guarantee that Cal would be glad to see him, but James loved Cal and wanted to do everything he could to help him feel better.

**

Before approaching Cal’s caravan, James looked around to ensure there was no-one outside the caravans who might question his presence. He couldn’t see anyone, but Cal had warned him that the travellers watched out for each other and were suspicious of any gorgios hanging around. Still, that couldn’t be helped. He had to see Cal.

James tried the door of the caravan: it was unlocked, presumably so Eli could go in and out without making Cal get out of bed. James opened the door a crack and listened: he didn’t have to wait long. A sound came to his ears: a terrible wracking cough that turned into a sneeze, followed by more coughing.

If there had been any part of James that was still miffed Cal hadn’t showed up for their secret trysts, it would all have been forgotten now.

“Cal?” he called softly as he entered the caravan. There was, of course, a chance that someone else might be there, but James doubted it. Cal was very good at making people go away if he wanted to be alone, though James was glad to say he hadn’t been on the receiving end of this very often. 

Cal was lying still on his bed with the blankets and sheets half off the bed, a pillow and rolled-up clothes heaped under his head in a way James doubted could be comfortable. A slightly squashed toilet roll lay beside him on the bed; several scraps littered the floor around the bin. Cal looked white and drawn and utterly exhausted; he barely even lifted his head when he saw James.

“I told you not to come here,” Cal said, but he didn’t seem to have the strength to say it with any aggression. 

“How are you?” James asked. 

“Fine.” Cal probably couldn’t have made the word any less convincing.

James sat down on the edge of the bed, moving the toilet roll out of his way. “Haven’t you got any proper tissues?” he asked without thinking as he dropped a kiss on Cal’s untidy dark head.

Cal’s eyes blazed with anger. He was fiercely proud and always resented any suggestion that anything he owned was in some way inferior. “Maybe I haven’t, but it’s not because I can’t fucking afford them, if that’s what you’re thinking. Why bother when I’ve already got something that does the job? We don’t all need supersoft fucking-” He stopped and closed his eyes, all the fight gone out of him. “You really shouldn’t have come.”

James began to stroke the hair back from Cal’s hot forehead. At one time, he’d have allowed his feelings to be hurt, but he knew Cal better now. “I was worried about you, love. Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t well?”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Cal said wearily. “I knew you’d come rushing over here if I told you. The whole camp knows I’m ill, they won’t like a gorgio visiting me.” He sighed and coughed a little. “I nearly texted you loads of times but I didn’t want to lie to you. It was easier to let you think I couldn’t get away.”

James kissed his forehead. “I can leave now if you’d like me to, Cal. I don’t want to go – but it’s up to you.”

Cal hesitated, then slid his hand along the bed towards James. “I don’t want you to go either. I am glad you’re here, pisliskurja. I’ve missed you.”

The endearment still made James’ heart turn over, even now. “I’ve missed you too. Cal, I made you some…” He stopped, hoping his gesture wouldn’t be rejected as an act of charity. “I mean, I’m sure you could do it yourself if you wanted to. I just wanted to- to do something. For you. Because you’re my boyfriend and you’re not well and I care about you.”

“And because you’re a slushy romantic,” Cal said with something approaching a smile. 

“That too.” With a slightly embarrassed smile, James let go of Cal’s hand and opened the bag he’d brought with him. “I made you some soup. Er… I think it’s called fusui. I found the recipe on the internet.”

He looked anxiously at Cal, still worried he might be offended, but Cal managed a tired smile. “Thanks. I’m not really hungry now. But thanks. That was nice of you.”

“Just have a little bit,” James coaxed. “Can you sit up?” He tried to rearrange the rolled-up clothes Cal used as a pillow. It was difficult when Cal was leaning heavily on them and refusing to move, but James had been working on the farm all his life and was stronger than he looked. “How does that feel?” he asked when he’d helped Cal to sit up.

“Like I need to lie down again.” Cal let his head fall onto his knees.

James squeezed his shoulder lightly. “You can lie down again in a minute, love.” He didn’t want to force Cal to do anything but he couldn’t help wondering when the boy had last eaten. He didn’t look well enough to prepare his own food and Eli wasn’t around to do it for him. 

He got the flask out of his bag and unscrewed the lid. For the first time, Cal’s eyes showed a faint flicker of interest. “You made it, James? Really?”

“I made it,” said James. “For you.” He poured some into the lid of the flask. “There you are.”

It seemed like an effort for Cal to lift it to his lips, but he managed it. 

“How does it taste?” James asked, his hand on Cal’s shoulder again.

“I can’t really taste anything at the moment,” Cal murmured. He had a couple more sips, then he shook his head. “I’m really not hungry, James. Sorry. I need to lie down now. I’m sure it’s lovely.”

James didn’t argue. Cal’s eyes were glazing over and he wheezed slightly as he breathed through his mouth. James supported him with one arm as he rearranged the pillow with the other. Despite his worry, James couldn’t help but smile a little as Cal’s head drooped onto his shoulder, his dark hair soft against James’ face. 

“There, you can lie down now,” James whispered into Cal’s ear. Cal clung to him for a moment longer, but then he let go and lay down, gazing feverishly up at James.

“I love you,” Cal said hoarsely.

James wanted so badly to believe him. He answered by pressing a kiss against Cal’s mouth, not wanting his boyfriend to see the doubt he knew would show in his eyes.

Cal pushed him away. “Don’t kiss me, James. You’ll catch it.”

“I don’t care.” James lay down on the edge of the bed and held Cal in his arms. Again, Cal tried to protest, but for once, James was the more determined of the two, and got his way. He held his forehead against Cal’s, stroking his cheek and looking into his big blue eyes, which lacked their usual life and spark, but looked beautiful nevertheless. 

“You look so hot,” murmured Cal.

“Not as hot as you,” James replied. He meant it as a compliment, but he could just as easily have been referring to Cal’s temperature. 

“But my nose is red.”

“You’re still hot.” James kissed Cal’s nose carefully, not wanting to provoke a sneeze. 

“I feel cold,” Cal complained.

James held him more tightly, trying to warm his body with his own. He kissed a trail from Cal’s cheek to his mouth, his lips gently pecking at Cal’s. “Does that help?”

Cal’s eyes held the faintest trace of his usual seductiveness. “Not sure. That wasn’t long enough. Do it again.”  
James kissed him again, one hand burying itself in Cal’s tangled hair as Cal’s tongue glided over his lips, teasing them apart, but Cal suddenly broke away and turned his head to the side, sneezing onto James’ shoulder twice in succession.

“Sorry, James,” Cal said, sniffing. He reached around James for his toilet roll.

“Don’t worry, love. It’s okay,” James said. “We’ll try again in a minute.”

They tried again, but with precisely the same outcome. Cal swore colourfully and bilingually, but then the energy drained out of him and he didn’t object when James pulled him close, cradling Cal’s head against his collarbone and covering the top of his head with kisses.

“I love you,” Cal murmured.

“I love you too, Cal.” James caressed Cal’s cheek and bent his head to kiss his upturned face.

Cal slid his hand down James’ chest. “I’m glad you came, pisliskurja. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” said James. His lips found Cal’s again, once, twice.

“I wish I could show you how much…” Cal reached for the waistband of James’ jeans. He coughed. “But I don’t think I could. Not today.”

James believed him; Cal was leaning on him heavily and would most likely have fallen onto the bed if James hadn’t been there supporting him. He often forgot how small Cal was because his personality was so big, his confidence so high. But now he felt tiny and fragile in James’ arms. James held him closer, feeling a surge of protectiveness and love. He knew Cal could take care of himself, but James would do anything in the world Cal asked of him.

“James?” Cal said into James’ chest.

James pressed a kiss into his hair. “Yes?”

“Could I have some more of the soup now?”

James couldn’t help smiling when he said that. He helped Cal into a sitting position and supported him, his arms around him. Cal managed more than half the soup, and kept stopping to smile at James and tell him how good it tasted. 

“Could you even taste it?” James said when Cal had handed back the flask.

“I don’t have to do that to know it’s delicious,” said Cal. He rested his head against James’ shoulder. “Can we lie down now?”

James ran his fingers through Cal’s hair. “Maybe you should get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” Cal said with his eyes closed.

They lay side by side, squashed together in the small bed. Cal’s head was pillowed on James’ chest as James stroked his hair.

Cal had one hand inside James’ shirt and was stroking his stomach, a contented smile on his face that only disappeared when he coughed or sneezed. Then he glowered and muttered as James tried to comfort him with kisses.

James knew he should be getting back to the farm, but he felt so warm and comfortable and he really wanted Cal to stay in his arms forever, or at least until he was feeling better.

Cal’s eyelids were growing heavier. His fingers had ceased their exploration of James’ skin. “Stay till I’m asleep, James,” he whispered. 

“Of course I will,” James said. He’d been planning on doing that anyway.

As he’d expected, it didn’t take very long at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal isn't well and James is giving him a cuddle in bed. But now they've both fallen asleep and there's someone outside the caravan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this after I saw the sixth episode so I didn't know how the series was going to end.

From a long way away, James heard a tapping sound he thought he should have recognised, but it didn’t seem important until Cal sat up, eyes wide. This was followed by the sound of a door opening.

“Cal? Are you awake?” said a voice from outside.

“Say no!” James hissed in a panic as Cal unhooked his leg from James’ and picked up the bedclothes.

“Get under, James! Quick, it’s Eli!”

James shuffled down the bed and darkness fell as Cal covered him with the bedclothes. 

He heard footsteps, then Eli’s voice. He sounded surprised. “Are you okay? I didn’t frighten you, did I?”

“Why would I be frightened of you?” Cal asked, just a touch too quickly.

James closed his eyes and prayed Eli wouldn’t notice Cal’s agitation. Eli wasn’t the sharpest, after all. Eli had no idea his brother was even gay.

“You’d better lie down,” Eli said sympathetically. “You look awful.”

Blind as well as stupid, James couldn’t help thinking. Cal didn’t look well, but he was still gorgeous.

“You’re all flushed,” Eli was saying as Cal scooted down under the bedclothes, lifting them as little as possible. James caught his breath as Cal shoved his legs on either side of him, catching James’ head between his thighs. 

_Oh fuck… Oh Cal… I know you’re not well enough and we agreed to wait and your brother’s standing right there, but God, I want you…_

“I’m fine,” Cal said ungraciously. “I was asleep. You woke me up.”

“Sorry.” There was a pause, then Eli asked: “What’s that?”

“Nothing,” said Cal. His voice sharpened. “Leave it alone, Eli. It’s mine.”

“It’s soup,” Eli said, surprised. “Where did that come from?”

Shit… James’ desire vanished in an instant and he clutched anxiously at Cal’s thigh, hardly knowing what he was doing.

“I don’t know where it came from,” said Cal. “I just woke up and it was there. What are you doing here, anyway? You should be at the farm.”

James screwed his eyes shut and somehow held back a moan. His heart seemed to be trying to fight its way out of his chest, and he didn’t know how long he could bear to stay there, with Cal’s thighs and the smell of him and the horrible, paralysing fear of what might happen next.

“James has gone on an errand, he won’t be back for ages, he’ll have no idea I was gone,” Eli said.

“I bet you anything he will know,” Cal said. He sounded like he was smiling.

James was trembling now. He loved Cal, but why did he always have to play these little games? Why did he always have to push it to the limit? He usually got away with it but what if, this time, he didn’t?

“He’s not stupid, James isn’t,” said Cal, and James felt a moment of warmth before Cal continued: “He looks it sometimes, I know, but he isn’t. So you really should go.”

Cheeky little sod, thought James affectionately, despite his terror.

“Ungrateful little sod,” Eli muttered almost at the same time. 

“I’m not ungrateful,” said Cal. “I just don’t want you to get into trouble with James.”

“Yeah, like James is going to do anything. Are you feeling any better, then?”

“Much better.”

“You look worse, if anything.” There was a sudden creak, and James felt the bed sink slightly under Eli’s weight. 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…” James whispered into the bedclothes without thinking, but his words were completely drowned out by a coughing fit from Cal, perhaps the worst he’d had since James’ arrival. James wanted to cuddle him, but all he could do was stroke Cal’s thigh and hope it helped.

“You poor kid,” Eli said sympathetically. 

“Not a kid!” Cal spluttered.

Eli ignored this. “There, it’s okay. You’ll feel better in a minute.” Finally, Cal stopped coughing. “Okay? Do you feel better now?”

Cal sniffed. “No. Get me some water.”

“Please,” Eli prompted him.

“Please,” Cal said with unusual meekness. He put his hand under the bedclothes. James took it in his own and squeezed it. Cal squeezed back. To speak would be a risk but they didn’t need words.

Eli returned with the water and waited while Cal drank it. “Get up for a minute, Cal. I’ll make your bed for you.”

The panic returned. James felt his fingers digging into Cal’s leg. 

“Ow!” Cal exclaimed, then added quickly: “My head aches.”

James thought he heard Eli rubbing his hand over Cal’s back. He knew the sound because he’d done it himself.

“I’ll get you a paracetamol if you like,” Eli offered, “but your head should feel better if your bed’s more comfortable.”

Cal groaned realistically. Or perhaps he’d been holding back groans all along. “I can’t get out of bed. I’m too ill.” 

“I can probably do something without you getting out of bed,” Eli said, and tugged violently at the sheet.

James jumped, and then buried his face in Cal’s thigh as he realised Eli would have seen the movement. 

“Fucking hell, Cal, what’s wrong with you?” said Eli. “Have you got a girl in your bed or something?”

“No!” Cal shouted, kicking his legs, perhaps imitating the move James had made. “Leave it alone, Eli. Leave me alone. The bed’s fine. It doesn’t need you messing about with it. It’s fine.”

“You ungrateful little bastard!” Eli’s words were accompanied by the sound of him hitting something. 

Cal cried out in pain. “Eli, I told you I had a headache.”

James knew this kind of thing it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence in the Bray household but the intensity of his anger surprised even him. He was ready to burst out from under the covers and… well, he didn’t know quite what he was going to do, but Cal shoved his hand underneath the covers and put his hand over James’ eyes. He was probably aiming for James’ mouth but James got the message. 

The moment of insanity passed. James knew he’d hurt Cal more if he revealed his presence but James vowed that he’d never forget that Eli had hurt the boy he loved.

“I… I just want to sleep now.” Cal’s voice was soft now. Maybe even slightly unsteady. Even Cal could only take so much. “I am grateful you came, Eli, but I just want to sleep.”

James stroked his thigh gently.

“Fine. Sorry I disturbed you. I won’t bother next time.” Eli stomped out of the caravan. Once the door had slammed shut, James crawled out of the bedclothes as quickly as he could, wrapping his arms around Cal and holding him close.

“It’s okay, Cal. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I know I didn’t help.”

Cal hugged James back. “It’s not your fault. Are you okay?”

“Just worried about you, love,” James said as he carefully stroked the back of Cal’s head. “Did he hurt you?”

“I’m fine.” Cal gave James a weak smile. “We’re always arguing, me and Eli. He’ll probably have forgotten about it by the time he gets back. He’ll be too busy moaning about you.”

“Moaning? About me?” James tried to hide his hurt. He knew he wasn’t the most interesting person in the world, but he’d thought Eli was his friend. 

Cal laughed. “I’m joking, pisliskurja. Like I’d let him say one word against you.” He turned away to sneeze. “Sorry, James. I really do think you should go. I don’t want you to feel like this and someone might guess if we’re both ill.”

“It’s probably a bit late to worry about that now,” James said, but Cal insisted, and James didn’t like to say no to him. He got out of bed and tucked Cal in, stealing many kisses along the way, despite Cal’s attempts to keep him at arm’s length. “Okay, love. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It looked like Cal was fighting an inner battle with himself but he eventually shook his head. “No, you’d better not come tomorrow.”

“I’ll just come for five minutes.”

“You can’t risk it.”

“I’ll stay by the door.”

Cal shook his head, a wretched expression on his face. “It’s not just that, James. We can’t take the risk again,. If someone told Eli you were here today I can say they made a mistake. But if the same person sees you here tomorrow too…”

“The day after tomorrow?” James wasn’t giving up.

Cal looked at the ceiling for strength but didn’t seem to find any. “Okay, the day after tomorrow. Now will you go? I don’t want you to, but you know you have to.”  
James bent down and kissed him. “I hope you feel better soon, love. Will you call me later if you feel up to it?” 

“Of course I will,” Cal promised. He held onto to James for a moment or two. “You shouldn’t have come, really. But I’m glad you did.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has promised to go and see Cal but his work on the farm is taking forever, and Cal isn't very good at waiting.

James was trying to concentrate on his work but it was difficult when he was worried about Cal. He’d obediently stayed away from him yesterday, though he had given Eli a box of lemsips which was about to go out of date. “If we kept them they’d probably end up getting thrown away but then I remembered you said Cal wasn’t very well.”

It wasn’t really a lie, though James had obviously omitted to mention that he’d looked through the medicine cabinet in the hope of finding something he could send to Cal, but he still felt a bit embarrassed and unable to look Eli in the eye. Luckily, Eli hadn’t seemed to notice and he’d told James this morning that Cal was very grateful for the gift.

James thought it was far more likely that Cal had been very offended and had refused to drink any of them but he could hardly say that to Eli, so he just said he was glad they were being put to good use and left it at that.

James was out in the fields now, trying to check on the sheep and lambs whilst alarming them as little as possible. He’d planned to go and see Cal that afternoon but all his jobs today had seemed to take three times as long as they should have done. He probably could take a quick break to go and see Cal but he wouldn’t be able to stay more than a couple of minutes.

As James relived his time with Cal two days ago, it was almost as though he could hear Cal’s painful coughs, punctuated by the occasional sneeze. Poor Cal: it had been horrible seeing him so weak and ill, barely even able to sit up; yet he was still capable of thinking on his metaphorical feet when they’d nearly been caught by Eli. James had panicked but his clever boyfriend had stayed calm and coped brilliantly. 

Actually, it was very strange but it seemed as though James could hear Cal coughing. He shook his head to clear it, wondering if Rob might have slipped something in his coffee without him noticing. He knew Cal couldn’t really be here. Considering how ill he’d been two days ago, he couldn’t possibly have walked all this way. Besides, he wouldn’t have had any idea where James was.  
James stood still for a moment then slowly turned around.

There he was. Sitting on the far side of the field with his knees drawn up, coughing.

Uncaring of the scattering sheep, James raced to his side and knelt beside him. “Cal, what are you doing here? You should be in bed. You look awful.”

Cal couldn’t answer for a moment or two. “I just wanted to see you. I just sat down for a bit because my legs felt wobbly.”

“But you knew I was coming to see you later.” James put his arm around him. “You’re shivering. Can you stand up?”

“Course I can. Don’t worry,” Cal said but he was leaning heavily on James as he got to his feet.

“I can’t believe you’d do something so stupid.” James’ voice came out more sharply than he’d intended but that was mostly panic. “Why would you come all this way when you’re not well, you didn’t know where I was, and I’m coming to see you later anyway?“

Cal glared at him weakly. “You’re the fucking stupid one if you can’t see why I came! I missed you, okay? You might be a little bit glad to see me after I walked halfway round the farm just so I could see you, even though I’m cold and my toilet roll ran out and I had to keep sitting down because I felt so dizzy.”

“How can I be glad to see you when you’ve probably made yourself even more ill!” James almost shouted back at him. 

“Fuck you, then. I’m going home!” Cal yelled, and tore himself from James’ grasp. He walked away on trembly legs but stopped when he started coughing again. James quickly caught up with him and put his arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Cal. I’m just worried about you. Of course I’m glad to see you.” James couldn’t help but feel a little bit pleased Cal had gone to so much trouble to see him but he knew he shouldn’t read too much into it. Cal had a temperature so he probably wasn’t thinking clearly. “Come on. Let’s go and sit in the tractor for a bit. I’ll put the heater on and give you some coffee. I’m sure I’ve got some tissues in there – it’s dirty work, farming – and there’s a blanket too.”

Cal leaned against him, too weak to argue. “Just let me sit down for a bit first.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. But I’ll carry you,” James said and picked Cal up in his arms before he could argue.

He was half-expecting Cal to swear at him and demand to be put down but to James’ surprise, he smiled. “Yeah, that’s very romantic, James. Carry me over the threshold. It’s good to get some practice in for when we do it for real.” He gave James’ cheek a loud, smacking kiss but then he sneezed again.

James tried to be glad Cal was making jokes but he still felt a bit panicky. He’d hoped Cal would be feeling a bit better by now but he seemed worse. James didn’t know what to do. He knew Eli and Cal were both wary of doctors so there was no point in suggesting it but what if Cal needed antibiotics or something? James wished there was someone he could ask for advice but he didn’t see how he could ask his friends without revealing that he and Cal were closer than they realised. He also couldn’t ask his mum: she cared much more for animals than people.

All he could do was hope Cal would feel better once he’d had a rest. 

He carried him to the tractor, Cal sniffing all the way, and supported him with one arm while he unlocked the door. 

“I’ll get in first, then you can sit on my lap, okay?” said James. Cal agreed but he was so weak, James almost had to lift him into the tractor. He sat down with Cal on his lap and switched the heater on; then he found the tissues and gave them to Cal.

Cal’s eyes narrowed. James knew what was wrong and suppressed a sigh. Cal never had liked taking things from him.

“Cal, they’re only tissues. Besides, they’re for my benefit as well as yours. I don’t want your nose dripping all over my tractor.”

Cal reluctantly took one and blew his nose. “I’ll buy you a new box next time I’m at the shops.”

James rolled his eyes a bit but made no comment. Instead, he picked something up from the floor of the tractor. “Here’s the coffee. I hope you’re not going to make a fuss about that too: it’s normal to give your friends coffee.”

Cal slipped his hand into his. “I’m not quite your friend, though, am I?”

“Then it’s even more normal,” James said. Cal closed his eyes: he clearly didn’t have the energy to argue anymore. James reached for the blanket and put it over him. “Are you feeling any better now, love?”

“I feel awful, James.” Cal put his head on James’ shoulder. “And it’s your fault,” he added fiercely.

“My fault?” said James, slightly hurt. “How did you work that out?”

“Because if you weren’t so irresistible, I’d have stayed in bed, wouldn’t I?” said Cal. He cuddled close to James, only to pull away again. “We shouldn’t, James. You’ll get ill too.”

James kissed him. “You can’t catch germs from kissing and cuddling. Just try not to sneeze on me and I should be fine. Have some coffee: that should warm you up a bit.”

Cal shook his head. “It’s yours. You need it.”

“It’s fine. I’ll go home and make some more once I’ve taken you home,” James said.

“No, you don’t have to take me home!” said Cal. “Anyway, you said you weren’t allowed to have two people in the tractor because there’s only one seat.”

“It’ll be okay just this once,” said James. “I’ll drive carefully. And I’m used to you sitting on my lap.”

Cal had a stubborn look on his face. “I don’t want to take you away from your work. I’m fine now.” He turned away from James and sneezed.

James shook his head. “So, first you say you feel awful and now you’re trying to convince me you’re fine?”

“I can try to convince you about anything I like,” Cal said grumpily. “I’m fine, okay? I don’t need you to take me home.” He folded his arms, gave James a determined look, and started coughing. 

James rubbed his back till he’d stopped. “Finish the coffee and then I’ll take you home.”

“Stop bossing me around. You’re as bad as Eli.” But Cal took the lid off the flask and started to drink. 

James regarded him worriedly. “You really must feel awful if you’re doing what I say.”

“Maybe I just love you loads and I can’t resist you,” said Cal. He finished the coffee and put the flask on the floor. “But I don’t want you to take me home. Not yet.”

“I suppose you could wait in the tractor till I’ve finished,” James said doubtfully. “But you won’t be very comfortable and I don’t want you to get cold.”

Cal leaned forward to kiss him. “I don’t think either of those things are going to be a problem, James.”

“Oh!” James said involuntarily. “No, Cal, we can’t. You’re only fourteen and you’re not very well.”

Cal glared at him. “Of course I don’t mean that! Do you really think I’d let you do it in a tractor for your first time?”

James frowned. “Don’t you mean our first time?”

“That’s what I said, you twat.” 

“Sorry,” said James mildly. When Cal was so congested, it wasn’t that easy to understand him but James didn’t want to enrage him by pointing it out. James was actually quite surprised he’d only made one mistake but he did know Cal very well.

Cal kissed him again. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault if you’ve gone deaf from working with noisy farming machinery. But I thought maybe we could do something else. No actual sex but something similar. Like a taster of things to come.”

James’ mouth felt dry. “Oh… I see… Really?”

“There’s no need to sound so fucking enthusiastic about it!” said Cal.

“I am enthusiastic, Cal. I’m just a bit…”

“What?”

James looked away. “…shy.”

Cal smiled and turned James’ head back towards him. “I know you are. That’s one of the things I love about you. But don’t worry. You’ll get used to it once we’ve done it a few times. But I will make it good for you. I know how to make it good.”

“Oh. Have you… done this before, then?”

“I’ve done it on myself,” Cal said.

“Oh,” James said again, his cheeks going red. “You must be very bendy.”

Cal stared at him. “It’s not double-jointed if that’s what you mean.”

“No, I mean, er, to get it in your… your mouth….” James couldn’t meet Cal’s eyes now.

Cal burst out laughing. “James, I didn’t mean…” Then he started coughing and it was a while before he could tell James what he meant. “I was just thinking a hand job, James. The only thing I’m going to be blowing today is my nose.”

“Oh,” said James, and wondered if he felt more embarrassed or disappointed. “I thought… well, you did say taster.”

This set Cal off laughing again. “I didn’t mean like a literal taster!” He calmed himself down with an effort and spoke kindly. “I’d like to give you a blow job too but I didn’t think you’d be ready for that and there’s not really room. And what if I coughed or sneezed in the middle? That’s not how I want your first blow job to be.”

James was cringing. It was embarrassing, being four years older than Cal and so completely innocent. It wasn’t just that he hadn’t done it before; he was sure Cal hadn’t either. But Cal still knew things. James didn’t know anything at all.

He felt Cal’s lips on his, feather-light. “It’s okay, pisliskurja. I love you like you are, okay? I love that you waited for me. I just wish I’d-” He stopped, his eyes full of pain.

“What?” James asked softly. 

The words came in a rush. “You’re-not-the-first-guy-I-kissed. I wish you were. That’s all.”

“I didn’t expect to be,” James said. He ran his hand over Cal’s cheek and jawbone. “Cal, you’re gorgeous and you look older than fourteen. I expect you’ve had boys falling all over you for the last two or three years.”

“Yes,” Cal said softly. “I suppose I have.” 

“And you’re much more sociable than me so you’ll have met more people,” James continued. “I hardly talk to anyone apart from our friends and the people who work on the farm.”

“But there’s been no-one else like you,” said Cal. He looked almost sad as his eyes held James’. “No-one. All the time I was with them, I only wanted you.”

James thought that wasn’t quite fair on Cal’s other boyfriends but he didn’t like to say so. For all his confidence, Cal was very young. It was probably the other boys who had initiated the kisses. 

“You’re with me now,” James said, trying to comfort him. He had a feeling Cal needed comfort, even if he wasn’t completely sure why. “And I’ll be here for as long as you want me.”

“That’s going to be quite a long time then,” said Cal. “Because I want you forever.” 

That was all the warning James got. The next moment, Cal was kissing him. One of Cal’s hands was at the back of James’ neck; the other moved frenziedly over his back. Cal’s lips were fierce and questing, almost painfully so, as his tongue twisted and twirled inside James’ mouth. Cal’s blocked nose meant he had to stop kissing frequently in order to breathe; this made him sigh and swear at first but when James started kissing lightly along his jaw, his sighs turned to smiles and although he continued to swear, it was with completely different feelings. 

James’ lips continued to explore Cal’s face, spraying kisses over his cheeks and forehead; sucking gently on his earlobes before placing a trail of kisses down his neck. He felt rather than heard Cal whisper his name as the younger boy untucked James’ t-shirt and trailed his fingertips along his stomach. James breathed in with a hissing sound and he kissed Cal’s lips again, then his cheek, then his hair; breathing in the scent of him, his voice muffled as he begged Cal not to stop.

Cal’s hand found the zip on his jeans and lifted his eyebrows questioningly; his cheeks were flushed and his eyes dilated as he asked the silent question. 

“Are you sure you’re well enough?” James said worriedly and got a (light) punch on the arm for his trouble.

“Of course I’m fucking well enough!” Cal’s voice was hoarse, but whether that was from his cold or his state of arousal, James didn’t know. 

“I’m just not sure this is a good idea,” James said, even though he was also convinced it was one of the best ideas Cal had ever had. “You’re already tired. You need to rest.”

Cal pouted. He always said he never pouted but James had seen plenty of evidence that this was untrue. “James, if you don’t want it, say you don’t want it and I won’t do it.”

“It’s not that, Cal.”

“Then let me do it?” Cal pleaded. “James, I’ve had the fucking shittiest last few days. I just want to do something fun and make the guy I love happy. So what if it makes me a little bit more tired? At least I’ll be tired and happy. Please, James.”

Put like this, James didn’t like to refuse. He could well believe Cal had been miserable ever since he’d become ill and if giving James the best wank of his life was going to cheer him up, who was James to deny him? “Okay, Cal. But promise me you’ll stop if you get too tired?”

“I promise,” Cal said readily. James was relieved but then the suspicions crept in that perhaps Cal thought it was impossible to be too tired to wank your boyfriend.

But Cal had given his promise so what else could James do?

Cal gave James one brief kiss and returned his attention to James’ zip, trying with one hand, then the other, then both, as James stroked his shoulder and wondered if Cal would kill him if he offered to help. Cal shifted his position so he was straddling James’ legs and tried again but the zip seemed to be stuck fast and James could feel Cal’s strength flagging slightly; his head fell onto James’ shoulder as he coughed some more.

“Cal, maybe we should save this for-”

Cal silenced him with a kiss. “If you say that one more time I’m going to get out of this tractor and walk home. And you know you can’t stop me.”

“Let me try,” James said, gently removing Cal’s hand from the zip and pulling it downwards himself. Cal slipped his hand inside the opening and held the palm of his hand flat against James’ boxers, flashing James a smile: a sweet, thrilling mixture of seductiveness and delight. James threw his head back and moaned aloud. His fingers were digging into Cal’s shoulders; he gave no sign of pain but James forced his hand to relax. Even now, he couldn’t bear the thought of hurting him. “Please, Cal. Just… just…”

A teasing look came into Cal’s eyes and for a moment, James thought he would pretend to misunderstand but then the laughter was replaced by a desperate, yearning expression and he slipped his hand into James’ pants, taking hold of his cock with a gentle yet quick movement as though he couldn’t bear to wait another second. He managed to get it out of James’ boxers and held it in his hand for a moment, gazing at it wordlessly; then he slowly began to explore with his hand, getting to know every ridge and curve, his face filled with a sort of overwhelmed wonder. James felt his eyes filling with tears. He hadn’t even dreamed that the moment would make Cal so happy.

In another moment, James was gasping and gripping Cal’s shoulders again as Cal began to move his hand rhythmically up and down, slowly at first, then faster, pausing occasionally to brush his palm over the tip. James, who was usually so quiet, felt his voice take on a life of its own as he cried Cal’s name over and over. The world around them blurred and it was just the two of them, Cal’s hand moving and his bright eyes fixed on James, until James felt a burst of energy flowing through his body, consuming him, shattering him, and then he landed back in the real world again, in Cal’s arms.

James hugged him back, still trembling. He felt Cal’s soothing hand on his shoulder.

“Are you okay, James?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” James replied, but the words were inadequate. He had a feeling any words would be. “More than fine. I don’t think I’ve ever been more fine.”

Cal rested his forehead against James’. “You liked it then?”

“Oh yes.”

“So did I.” Those were all the words they needed. Cal settled himself more comfortably in James’ arms, holding him tightly, his head tilted back so he could see James’ face. James kissed his forehead, his nose (carefully) and finally his mouth. 

For a few minutes, they just cuddled but then James decided he’d better speak. “Cal?” 

“Yes, pisliskurja?”

“Did you want me to, you know, do it for you too?” James blushed as he said the words. He had no idea if that was the right way to say it; it could have been too romantic or too crude for all he knew.

Cal sniffed. “Yeah, I would, but-” He sat up. “Where did I put my fucking tissue?”

James looked around as best he could with Cal on his lap. “Get another one.”

Cal hesitated, then did as he was told. “Thanks, James. And thanks for the lemsips. They do help.”

“I’m glad,” said James. He held Cal close again. “How are you feeling now?”

“Happy but a bit exhausted.” Cal gave him a weak smile. “You tired me out, James Warwick. And it won’t be the last time.”

James kissed him. “I’m glad it’s not the last time.” He was sure the last time wasn’t far away; Cal would get tired of him soon. But for now, he’d enjoy it and try not to worry about the future.

Cal took his hand. “I wish you could do it for me right now. Just thinking about these big, strong fingers is usually enough to turn me on. But I’m so tired.”

“We’ll save it for another time,” James said as he sneaked a glance at his ‘big, strong fingers’ and tried to work out why Cal found them so exciting. 

They sat there for a while: Cal with his head against James’ shoulder as James stroked his hair. Cal had one arm hooked around James’ shoulders; their other hands were still entwined.

James felt comfortable and slightly sleepy himself but a sneezing fit from Cal roused him. “I’d better take you home now, love. You need to rest. I just need to go and bolt the gate properly: I couldn’t do it when I was carrying you.”

Cal didn’t argue. When James got back, he looked half-asleep. Nevertheless, he gave James a big smile as he climbed into the tractor. “James?”

James smiled back. “Yes, love?”

“I’m not complaining or anything. I think it’s a brilliant idea and you should do it all the time. But I just thought I should tell you your cock’s still hanging out a bit.”

James looked down at himself. “Fuck! Why didn’t you tell me before?” Hurriedly, he zipped himself up. “Why the fuck did you let me get out of the tractor and walk around like this? And don’t tell me you didn’t notice. I know you did.”

“Just be grateful I didn’t make you stay like that all day,” Cal said sleepily. “I might have done if I didn’t love you so much.”

James was scanning the fields as best he could through the tractor windows. If anyone had seen him… “If you weren’t ill, I’d make you walk back by yourself,” he said angrily.

Cal didn’t answer. When James touched his shoulder, there was no response. James looked at him and felt his anger beginning to drain away. Cal looked so sweet when he was asleep. So innocent. Even though he was a cheeky little monkey who had just embarrassed James half to death.

“I love you, Cal,” James said out loud.

Cal started to snore.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli isn't concentrating on his work and James soon finds out why.

There was something odd about Eli today. Several times, he’d been about to say something, only to change his mind, and once, James was sure he had spoken, only for him to deny it when James asked him to repeat what he’d said.

James thought about asking if there was something wrong but although he and Eli were sort of friends and hung around in the same crowd, James didn’t feel as though he could talk as freely to Eli as he could to Rob, Tina or Annie. Even with his three best friends, there were times when James judged it better to keep his thoughts to himself; when to speak only seemed to be inviting ridicule.

However, when Eli absent-mindedly tried to put a horse into a stall that was already occupied, James decided he really needed to say something to Eli, who was, after all, technically his inferior.

“Are you all right, mate?” James asked when the horse had been put into an empty stall and James had calmed the one who’d almost been given an unexpected roommate.

“Yes, I’m fine,” said Eli shortly. “I’m sorry about that, James.”

There was a slightly aggressive edge to his voice that caused James to flinch but he knew the problem could be something to do with Cal and this gave him courage to proceed. “You just seem a bit distracted, Eli. I was just wondering if I could maybe help? If there’s something wrong, I mean?”

Eli looked so startled, James actually took a step backwards but then Eli sighed. “Sorry, James. I’m just worried about Cal. I was actually going to ask you to help with something but it’s difficult for me, asking for help.”

James’ heartbeat quickened but he spoke as soothingly as he could, not wanting to betray even the smallest anxiety. “I’d be happy to help in any way I can. I feel I owe you, in a way, after all the help you’ve given us on the farm.”

Eli looked at James as though he had doubts about his sanity. “James, you pay me for what I do on the farm.”

This was true and James felt momentarily muddled. “Yes… I know but… but you do more than your fair share. You’re always… you’re really...” James stumbled to a halt again. He was sure Eli had many good qualities but the only one he could think of at the present moment was that he had a very hot brother. “You’re a good worker and a good mate and I’m happy to help.”

“Okay. Right. Thanks.” Eli paused as though gathering courage but James suspected he was actually trying to let go of his pride. “James, would you be able to take Cal to the doctor this afternoon?”

“Oh God, is he worse?” James blurted, and almost flinched as he heard the panic in his voice. “I mean… I thought you both hated going to the doctor.”

“We do hate it,” said Eli. “But Cal doesn’t seem to be getting better. He’s still in bed with a high temperature and I think he’s been leaving the caravan without realising it. He says he hasn’t got out of bed except to go to the utility block but his shoes were muddy when I got home yesterday and he’s got some tissues from somewhere.”

James gulped slightly and was grateful when one of the horses whinnied: this gave him the chance to turn away from Eli and take a few moments to compose himself. “Maybe he found the tissues in his caravan. He might have forgotten he had them.”

“That’s what he said but what about the shoes?” said Eli. “It wasn’t old mud. They were worn yesterday and he couldn’t have got them muddy on the way to the utility block.”

James was silent. He couldn’t offer any explanation for the shoes.

“So I made him an appointment for this afternoon,” Eli continued. “But Cal says it’s too far for him to walk. He said he’d borrow a car from somewhere but I don’t want my little brother stealing cars and trying to drive them.”

“No, of course not,” said James, who completely shared Eli’s views on Cal’s joy-riding. Cal had shown up for a date once in a shiny and expensive-looking new car but James had refused to get into it and had instead, to Cal’s fury, phoned the police to say he’d found the car abandoned. Cal had stomped off and James hadn’t seen him for three days, though he’d heard that Cal had stolen another car in the meantime. 

“So I said I’d ask Dominic to take him in his car but Cal said he hardly knows Dominic,” Eli said in exasperation. “I don’t know what his problem is. I would have gone with them. But none of our friends have cars so all I could think of was that you could take Cal in your tractor. He wasn’t thrilled with that idea either but I finally convinced him.”

James was about to say there was only one seat in the tractor and it wouldn’t fit in the car park at the doctor’s surgery anyway but then he realised that Cal had manipulated the situation deliberately. If Cal had to go to the doctor and wasn’t well enough to walk there, he probably would rather go with James than anyone else. Of course, Cal couldn’t suggest going with James because that would seem odd but he was clever enough to make Eli suggest it.

“Yeah, okay,” said James. “I can take Cal to the doctor. But there’s no way I can fit both of you in the tractor.”

“No, I know,” said Eli. “But maybe I could meet you there? If you could give me an hour or so off work?”

James would, in theory, have been happy to agree but he knew that wasn’t part of Cal’s plan. Fortunately, he had a perfectly good reason for refusing. “Sorry, mate. If you didn’t need me to go, I could have covered for you but who’s going to cover for us if we both go? My mum would kill us if she found out neither of us was here.”

Eli shrugged, clearly unsurprised. “I thought you might say that. Would you mind going without me? You wouldn’t have to do very much. Just take him there and back. He can go into the appointment on his own and he shouldn’t have a problem picking up prescriptions now he’s fourteen – but you’ll be there if there are any problems.”

“Yes, that’s fine, I’ll just take him to the appointment and then take him home,” said James. Inside, he was quaking with terror, convinced he was behaving unnaturally and that his love for Cal was written on his face for all to see but Eli didn’t seem to have noticed anything. 

Eli nodded. “Thanks, James. I appreciate it. I’ll make sure Cal tells you he appreciates it too.”

**  
James did drive the tractor away from the stables but he concealed it on a part of the farmland that Eli was unlikely to visit and went the rest of the way on foot, pausing only to phone for a taxi to come to the travellers’ camp in ten minutes time. He went as close as he dared without attracting attention and phoned Cal. “Hello love. How are you?”

“Not good,” Cal said indistinctly. “Where are you?”

“Just outside the camp.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in a minute.”

James started to say he could come to the caravan and help him if he wanted to but Cal had already rung off. So he waited, keeping an eye out for both Cal and the taxi.

Cal appeared a moment or two later. He still looked pale and wobbly but his face lit up when he saw James. He had a quick glance behind him then managed to quicken his pace as he walked into James’ arms. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” James wanted to kiss him but he knew the taxi could arrive at any moment. Reluctantly, he let him go. “Did Eli tell you he’s not coming?”

“Yeah, he says you wouldn’t let him come!” Cal threw his arms around James again. “I’m proud of you, James. I thought you’d mess it up but you didn’t.”

“Nice to know I surpass your expectations sometimes,” James said with a touch of sarcasm but Cal just laughed.

“I love you, James. I’d like to show you how much right now but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to take my clothes off and we should probably go and get in the tractor because I feel a bit dizzy.”

James couldn’t help smiling at the idea of Cal taking his clothes off (his decision not to sleep with Cal till he was older most certainly wasn’t due to a lack of desire on James’ part) but the second and third parts of Cal’s sentence wiped the smile from his face. He put a supportive arm around Cal’s shoulders and felt Cal leaning against him but the tractor problem wasn’t so easily solved. “Er… please don’t be cross, Cal, but I’ve phoned for a taxi.”

Cal froze in James’ embrace and glowered. “I don’t want to go in a taxi.”

“I know, love, but we can’t go in the tractor,” James said gently. “I can’t take you in a one-seater tractor on public roads and the tractor wouldn’t fit in the car park. But I didn’t tell Eli that. I just drove away in the tractor, parked it somewhere he wasn’t likely to go and walked the rest of the way.”

“James, you are a bad boy!” Cal said, his face lit with approval. But he frowned again as the taxi came into view. James guessed his concerns were purely financial but didn’t know what he could say. 

“We’d like to go to the doctor’s surgery, please,” James said to the driver in a very polite voice that made Cal roll his eyes and imitate James under his breath. “I’ll sit in the front, Cal; then you can lie down on the back seat.”

“No chance,” Cal said under his breath. “Let’s both sit in the back. It’ll be easier to talk that way. You’ll never be able to hear what I’m saying if you’re in the front.”

“He’s not going to be sick in my taxi, is he?” the taxi driver asked, eyeing Cal dubiously.

“I can answer for myself, you know!” Cal replied with an energy James doubted he really had. “But I’m not. I might cough and sneeze a bit but that’s all. If you don’t want me touching the seatbelt I’ll get James to strap me in.”

The taxi driver seemed only marginally reassured by this but he didn’t refuse to drive them, for which James was grateful. At Cal’s insistence, James strapped him in and took the seat beside him but less than a minute had passed before Cal started coughing. “Sorry, James. I do need to lie down after all. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” said James.

Cal put his head in his lap and took one of James’ hands in his. He gave James a small but conspiratorial smile that suggested he’d been planning to lie down all along but then he closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have gone to the farm yesterday. But I’m glad I did.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel worse,” James said regretfully.

“You didn’t.” Cal pressed James’ hand. “It was my fault for getting out of bed and walking around. You didn’t do anything wrong. You looked after me really well and I had a lovely time. You’re a good mate,” he added, presumably for the taxi driver’s benefit. “But I should have stayed in bed.”

James glanced at the taxi driver, decided Cal’s head was probably obscured by the passenger seat, and carefully stroked his hair. “You can go home and go to bed after you’ve seen the doctor.”

Cal made a face. “I hope he doesn’t give me any disgusting medicine. I bet he will.”

“It won’t matter what it tastes like. You can’t taste anything,” James reminded him.

Cal grunted. “You think you’re so fucking clever, don’t you?”

“No,” James said honestly.

Cal stroked his hand. “Then you’re wrong, aren’t you? As usual.”

James looked down into his face and couldn’t help smiling a little. He was worried about Cal but he was fairly sure it was nothing that couldn’t be solved with a course of antibiotics. Most likely he would be on his feet again in a few days. So for a moment James allowed himself to enjoy the sight of Cal’s dark hair falling across his forehead; his soft pink lips; his small, temporarily-red nose. 

James stroked Cal’s hand and watched his mouth as he began to smile, tremulously at first, as though he was struggling to find the energy, but then properly. Cal looked up at James almost adoringly but his expression changed so quickly to a flirtatious look, James decided the first one must have been wishful thinking.

“Am I turning you on or have you got a Mars bar in your pocket?” whispered Cal. 

James actually hadn’t thought about the fact that Cal’s head was partly between his legs but now Cal mentioned it… James shifted slightly in his seat and reminded himself that Cal was ill and needed to be looked after, not lusted after.

Perhaps it was just as well that the taxi drew up outside the surgery just a few minutes later. 

Cal sat up much too quickly, then had to take a moment to steady himself, holding on to both the front seats. “How much do we owe you?” he asked the driver.

“That’ll be £4.70, please.”

James felt for his wallet but Cal was quicker: he whipped a five pound note from his pocket. “Keep the change.” He then turned to glare warningly at James, silently daring him to object.

James smiled to himself. That was so typical of Cal and really rather sweet. He always liked to pay his way and much as James wanted to look after him, he loved it when Cal took control. Of course, he would probably worry for the rest of the day that Cal had left himself short of money but that was more because worrying about Cal was as natural as breathing than because he doubted Cal’s ability to take care of himself.

“What are you grinning at?” Cal wanted to know when the taxi had driven away.

“Just at my very gentlemanly boyfriend,” said James.

“Hm.” Cal looked as though he wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not but then he smiled and brushed his hand against James’. “Come on. Let’s get this over with. All I want is to go to bed.”

James let his hand touch Cal’s. “That’s all you ever do want.”

Cal coughed. “But not usually to sleep.”

**

Once Cal was booked in they at the back of the waiting room. The other seats in the back row were all occupied but even so, James wasn’t particularly surprised when he felt Cal’s leg pressing against his. He turned to look at him. Cal was gazing ahead of him with an angelic look on his face. Anyone would have thought it was an accident the way his leg was moving just slightly, his ankle brushing against James’. 

A gleam came into Cal’s eyes. “What are you looking at?” he whispered.

“Nothing.” James turned back and looked ahead of him again. He felt Cal’s arm moving and jumped slightly as he laid his arm across the back of James’ chair. Then the arm moved away and James thought Cal must have thought better of what was certainly a risky action, but then he felt Cal’s hand at the small of his back. The chairs were grey and plastic with a hole in the back which might have been designed for sneaky groping. Cal lightly pressed James’ back, silently urging him to sit forwards (still with his blue eyes staring dreamily ahead). 

When the tip of Cal’s middle finger touched the top of James’ arse, James felt simultaneous desire and horror. Desire for obvious reasons; horror because it was simply too public. He doubted anyone had seen Cal’s arm move: none of the other patients in their row would have any reason to look behind them and the receptionists probably couldn’t see very much from their desks.

But James was fairly sure the everyone in the waiting room, if not the whole surgery, would notice his reaction if Cal started groping his arse. 

Cal’s finger began to move in little circles on James’ arse but it suddenly stopped and Cal brought both his hands in front of him, dropping his head into them with a sigh. “I feel so shit.”

“It shouldn’t be long now,” James said comfortingly. He put his hand on Cal’s back in a gesture he hoped looked comforting but no more than friendly. 

Cal started sniffing and had to stand up to get a tissue out of his pocket. He sat back down very quickly as though his knees had given way. “Stupid fucking cold.”

“I know,” said James, sending an apologetic look to the mother of two young children who had turned round to glare at Cal. 

“If it is a fucking cold,” Cal said darkly. “It’s probably flu or fucking pneumonia or something.” He sneezed. “For fuck’s fucking sake!”

“Cal.” James trembled under the further glares that were sent his way, though he did think resentfully that the children probably weren’t hearing anything they didn’t hear at home. “I know you feel awful but could you maybe not swear quite so much? Please.”

“Why the fuck not?” Cal mumbled. His voice was muffled by his tissue and James hoped he might not have been heard this time but again, several disapproving heads turned in their direction.

“Because there are kids sitting in front of us and their mum looks ready to murder me and there are also a couple of old people giving me daggers,” James said quietly.

Cal lifted his head. “Why can’t those wankers mind their own fucking business?”

“Cal!” James thought he was probably bright red by now. It felt like the whole surgery was staring at him. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” he told them. He thought about adding that Cal had a temperature and didn’t know what he was saying but he had a feeling that would only infuriate Cal even more. 

“James, stop apologising,” Cal said sharply. “Don’t ever fucking apologise for me.”

James didn’t know what to do. The other patients were whispering angrily among themselves and James was sure he’d caught the word ‘gypsy’. He thought Cal probably hadn’t heard it as he wasn’t reacting but maybe he would hear the next time and what would he do then?

He’d never been so glad to hear the receptionist’s voice. “Caleb Bray, could you wait outside room 4, please?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Cal leave the surgery after Cal's appointment.

James seized Cal’s arm and hurried him out of the waiting room. He couldn’t stop Cal from shooting a malevolent glare at everyone who was staring at him but at least he didn’t say anything else. James was shaking slightly but he managed to get Cal to the seats outside room 4 without any further incident. 

Cal sat close to James and leaned against him. There were other people sitting at various points along the corridor but no-one in the small alcove where they were sitting. Cal let his head drop onto James’ shoulder. “I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and James realised Cal was shaking even more than he was.

“It’s all right.” James said the words as he might have said them to a spooked horse.

“It’s not all right,” said Cal. “I was acting like a complete prick.” He looked stricken. “Sorry. I mean I was acting like a complete… a completely awful person.” 

James hesitated, then put his arm around Cal’s shoulders. “I suppose you did embarrass me a little bit but Rob’s been embarrassing me for my whole life. I’m used to it. Don’t worry.”

“Stop being so nice!” Cal buried his face in James’ shoulder. “James, if you don’t stop being so nice about everything I’m going to fucking… I mean… shit, what’s another word for… fuck, I did it again… sorry, James. Just stop being so f… stop being so nice, okay?”

James rubbed his shoulder. “Okay. I’m completely embarrassed and humiliated and I’m really not sure how I’m going to show my face in Overton again because of you. Is that better?” 

Cal sat up. “Yeah. That’s better. But it wasn’t your fault at all and I’m sure they all knew that. I just felt so fucking… sorry. I just felt so… so ill, I stopped caring what anyone thought.”

“It’s okay,” said James. “And there aren’t any kids here so-”

“But I shouldn’t have stopped caring what you thought,” said Cal. “I should never stop caring about that. Especially when you brought me here and everything.” Cal’s lip trembled. “Sometimes I think there’s no hope for me, James. Sometimes I think I was born bad and I’ve always been bad and I’ll be bad till I die and-”

He stopped as he heard his name called. James wanted to put his arms around him and hold him tightly and tell him all the reasons why he wasn’t bad but there wasn’t time to tell him even one thing. “Shall I come in with you?” He hadn’t planned to but maybe Cal needed a bit of extra support.

Cal gave him a look of pure gratitude. “Would you? I can explain everything myself but if you’d just be there…”

“I’ll just sit quietly in the corner,” James promised. “I’m good at that.”

Cal gave him a shaky smile. “Yeah. Yeah, you are.”

The doctor called: “Caleb Bray?” again. James patted Cal on the back and they went inside together.

  
**  
“Well, that was a stupid fucking… I mean a stupid waste of time,” Cal said as they left the surgery.

James had a feeling the doctor agreed with that. He’d just recommended paracetamol, a nasal spray and drinking lots of fluids. He’d also said in a rather sarcastic way that if Cal was an adult, he’d have warned him against smoking and drinking alcohol but obviously there was no need to say it to a fourteen year old. James had held his breath at that but Cal had just opened his eyes wide and said only idiots smoked and drank alcohol. 

“He’s a hypocrite as well,” Cal said viciously. “He smokes and drinks, you know. I’ve seen him down the pub.”

James wasn’t surprised to hear this. “I think he might have seen you down the pub too.”

“Yeah, I thought that,” Cal said, frowning slightly. “Never mind. Not much we can do about that. Shall we go, then?”

James put his arm around Cal in what was supposed to be a careless, matey sort of way. Cal obviously wasn’t convinced: he gave James a sad smile and moved away.

“Maybe we should go to the chemist and buy some of that stuff the doctor mentioned,” James said.

Cal looked mutinous. “I bet it’s all really expensive. And I’m not saying I can’t afford it. I’m just saying it’s expensive.”

James thought for a moment. “How about if I buy it for myself? And then I’ll lend it to you? And you can give it back when you’re better?”

“There might not be much left of it when I’m better,” Cal said. But he hadn’t said no and anything else could only be encouraging.

“That’s my problem,” said James. 

“I love you, James.” Cal started coughing. His coughs sounded loud and painful in the quiet street and he was bent over with the force of them. This time, when James put his arm around him, he didn’t object. 

“Better now?” James said when he’d stopped.

Cal sniffed, then coughed some more. “Not really but I can cope with going to the chemist.”

James nodded. “Then I can get you home and get you into bed.”

“I think I feel too ill to tease you about what you just said,” said Cal.

James looked at him blankly. “What did I say?”

Cal gave him a quick hug. “It doesn’t matter, pisliskurja. Let’s just buy the stuff and go home.”

  
**  
“I can carry my own bags,” Cal muttered once the taxi had dropped them off.

“I’m happy for you to carry your bags,” James replied. “As long as I can carry you.”

Cal’s feet dragged along the ground as he walked. “I’m actually this close to agreeing.” 

James rubbed Cal’s back. “We’re nearly home, love. I mean you’re nearly home.”

Once they’d arrived at the caravan, Cal unlocked the door, went inside and collapsed onto his bed, coughing. James shut the door and sat on the edge of the bed to unpack their purchases. “Are you okay?”

Cal blew his nose. “Do I look fucking… I mean do I look okay?”

James leaned over to kiss his forehead, worried but unable to help smiling. “You can swear if you want to, Cal. There aren’t any kids here.”

Cal flung his tissue at the bin and missed. “Then I feel fucking shit and that fucking wanker doctor didn’t help, sitting there on his arse talking fucking bollocks, and as for that fucking bitch accusing me of corrupting her little fucking bastards, she’s a complete fucking dick.”

“Do you feel better now you’ve said that?” James asked, amused.

Cal thought about this and gave a faint smile. “I think I do a bit.”

“Good.” James got Cal a glass of water and took two tablets from the box of paracetamol. “Do you think you could sit up and take these?”

“No,” said Cal but he managed to haul himself into a sitting position. He swallowed the tablets, then took the nasal spray from James and squirted it into his nostrils. He sniffed a few times, looking pleasantly surprised. “I quite like this actually. Maybe I’ll have some more.”  
James quickly took the bottle away from him.

Cal grabbed at it but he wasn’t quick enough. “Oh yeah, James, like you’ve never tried to get high on nasal spray.”

James put his arm around him. “I have. It’s not worth it. All it does is make your symptoms worse.” At least, that was all he could remember. 

He expected Cal to ask for more details but instead he gave James a kiss. “Thanks for going with me, James. I do appreciate it.”

James reached for his hand. “Did Eli tell to say that?”

“Yeah, he did, actually,” Cal said with a sudden smile. “But that’s not why I said it."

“I know it isn't.” James paused. “Cal. About what you said in the surgery.”

“I said I was sorry,” Cal said between coughs.

“I know you did but I don’t mean that.” James stroked his hand. “I mean just before we got called in to see the doctor. You said you always had been bad and you thought you always would be.”

Cal was quiet for a while. When he did finally speak, it was only to ask James for a tissue. James passed him one from the box he’d bought for Cal today (or rather bought for himself and lent to Cal). Cal spent quite a long time wiping his nose, though his tissue hardly seemed to get wet at all; then he had a little coughing fit that didn’t sound like his other coughing fits. Finally, he gave a sad sigh and stared off into the distance.

“Cal?” James said once several more seconds had passed. “Why do you think you’re bad?”

Cal started tearing his tissue to bits. “I don’t mean to be bad. But sometimes things happen.”

“Like what, love?”

“Like in the surgery.” Cal didn’t look at James. “I just start saying stuff I don’t even mean.”

James took Cal’s hand. “Cal, that doesn’t make you bad. Everyone gets upset sometimes. Everyone says things they don’t mean. Everyone says things that embarrass their friends. Everyone loses control. It just means you’re human – and you’re not well, Cal. It’s even more difficult to control yourself when you’re tired and ill.”

“Do you think that’s all it is?” Cal’s eyes were tortured as he turned to James.

“Yes.” James stroked Cal’s hand. “You’re not bad at all, Cal. You mustn’t ever think that.” James kissed him. “Cal, love, do you often feel like this?”

“No, not often,” Cal said quickly. “Just sometimes.”

“Do you know what it is that makes you feel that way?”

Cal didn’t say anything for a moment or two but he seemed to be thinking about the question. “When I do bad things. When I hurt people. I don’t mean to but it happens.” He looked up at James. “But you think it’s normal? Everyone does bad things?”

James nodded. “Everyone.”

“Even you?”

“Definitely me.”

Cal responded with a kiss. “Well, you’re not bad, James.” 

James smiled. “Thanks.” Then his voice became serious. “Next time you feel like this, Cal, I want you to tell me. Okay?” Cal’s cheek was soft under his fingers and so pale. He seemed young and vulnerable, which was exactly what he was; though he usually hid it so well.

Cal nodded. “Yes, I’ll tell you.”

James hugged him and tried to feel relieved but he knew Cal was lying. He wouldn’t say a word to James next time if he could avoid it. James was sure of that. Today had been a particularly difficult day for Cal. There would not be many like that and if there were, Cal would usually find a reason not to see him. 

But there were other things he could do. If he could help Cal to feel better physically, maybe the emotional pains would ease too. “Cal, love, when did you last eat something?”

Cal stared at him. “This morning, I suppose. Why?”

“Because the one slightly sensible thing the doctor said was that it might be worth improving your diet,” said James. “Would you like me to make you something to eat?” 

Cal frowned. “No. I can make my own food. I’m fine.” He sat up as though to prove this but then he lay back down with a sigh of defeat. “I think I’ve got some soup.”

“Okay.” James kissed his forehead and went into the tiny kitchen area. Cal had almost no food so the tin of soup was easy to find. He carried it over to the cooker then looked around blankly. “Where’s the tin opener?”

“About three inches away from your hand,” said Cal.

“Where?” James turned in a helpless circle.

He heard Cal laugh and a moment later he was beside him. He picked the tin opener up from the work top. “There. Do you need me to open the tin for you too or can you do that?”

“I can do it,” said James. He ran his hand through Cal’s hair. “You go back to bed, love.”

Ignoring him, Cal picked up a saucepan and put it on the stove. “Come here and I’ll show you how to put the heat on.” He caught James around the waist and pulled him close. Their foreheads touched; their lips didn’t, not quite but Cal wasn’t the only person who was having trouble breathing.

“Heat?” said James, his voice scratchy.

“Heat,” Cal agreed, his voice low and intimate. “If you’re going to come back and cook for me tonight, you’ll need to know how to turn it on, won’t you?”

“Turn what on?” James said stupidly.

“The cooker.”

“Oh right.” James tried to turn towards the cooker but Cal’s eyes held him in place. “Are you going to show me, then?”

Cal nodded slowly, his forehead brushing against James’. “Turn around.”

Cal had loosened his arms just enough to make this possible. James swallowed and did as he was told.

“Twat!” Cal said affectionately. “I meant turn and face the cooker.”

James’ face burned as he did as he was told but he told himself that anyone would struggle to remember minor details like that when Cal was around.

Cal stood beside him, one arm around James. “Grab the knob, then.”

“Er… the what?”

“The knob on the cooker!” Cal started laughing, then coughing. “You didn’t think I meant-”

“Of course I didn’t!” 

Cal didn’t look convinced but he let it go. He showed James what to do, then switched it off so James could try. “No, not like that. You’re being too gentle with it. I’m sure even you can play a little bit rough.”

“There!” James said in satisfaction as the ring caught light.

“Well done,” Cal said with hardly any sarcasm at all. He gave James a hug and only narrowly avoided sneezing on him. “Now I’ve shown you how to get turned on, twiddle my knob and light my fire, do you mind if I go back to bed?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has plans for Cal...

Cal was tired the next day but the day after that, James entered the caravan to find his boyfriend sitting up in bed and smiling. He held out his arms and James quickly put down everything he’d brought with him so he could give Cal a hug. “Hello love. How are you feeling? You do look a bit better.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” said Cal. “Are you saying I looked awful before?”

James hesitated. He had a feeling Cal was just teasing him but he didn’t want to risk hurting his feelings. “You always look gorgeous. But today you look healthier than you did yesterday. Is that okay?”

“Nicely side-stepped, James,” Cal said, smiling. “And did you hear, I can almost say N now?” He frowned slightly and James had to admit that last N sounded more like a D. “Some of the time,” Cal added ruefully.

James gave him another hug. “Some of the time is still good. You’re obviously getting better and that’s what I want more than anything in the world.”

“Even more than a kiss?”

“Even more than a kiss.”

“Even more than a hand job?”

James laughed. “Even more than, you know, sex.”

“That wouldn’t be difficult, considering you always say no,” said Cal. He gave James a kiss. “But you can call it fucking, you know. I’m not going to get offended.”

James had hoped it would be a bit more special than just fucking but maybe the linguistic subtleties were lost on Cal. 

“Unless you’re going to get offended?” Cal said hurriedly. “What do you want me to call it? I can even call it ‘you know, sex’ if you like. I do think it sounds a bit stupid but if it makes you happy…”

“You can call it whatever you like,” James said and gave him a hug. He couldn’t help feeling touched that Cal seemed so anxious to make him happy. Cal probably didn’t love him - not in a proper grown-up, romantic way - but he was certainly behaving as though he cared.

Cal put his head on James’ shoulder. “I love you, James. You’re the hottest guy in the universe and I can’t wait to have you know, sex with you. It’s going to be more amazing than anything in the world. Even more amazing than kissing you. Even more amazing than giving you a hand job. Even more amazing than… shit.”

That was so unexpected, James couldn’t help laughing. “I’m glad I’m more amazing than shit.”

“No, I was just swearing because my nose is running,” said Cal, sniffing. “And I can’t find my tissue. James? Can you give me one?”

James looked around for the box. “Yes, of course. Here you are.”

“Thank you!” Cal said with far more enthusiasm than James would have expected. 

James reached for the bags he’d bought with him. “I did your shopping. I managed to get everything you asked for. Do you want me to unpack it for you?” 

Cal lowered his tissue to reveal a big smile. “James, you do know what you just said, don’t you?”

James looked at him suspiciously. “Judging from the look on your face, I don’t think I want to know.”

“You said you’d give me one!” Cal said gleefully.

James was startled. “Did I? When?”

“Just now!” said Cal. “I asked you to give me one and you said yes!” 

James cast his mind back. “Do you mean when we were discussing whether to call it sex or fucking?”

“No, when I asked you to give me one and you said yes,” said Cal. “I said I couldn’t find my tissue (probably because you plonked your sexy arse on top of it) and then I asked you to give me one. Remember? And you said of course!” He started to cough.

“Of course I’ll give you one,” James said when Cal had stopped coughing. “When you’re older.”

There was a short silence. “Okay, I’m two whole seconds older now,” said Cal. “More than that.”

James leaned in for a kiss. “I’m glad you’re feeling well enough to play tricks on me and embarrass me. I’ll go and unpack your shopping. Oh, and I got you a present as well but I understand if you don’t want to accept it.” Actually, James thought he’d be very hurt if Cal didn’t accept it but he’d do his best to hide it. 

“A present?” Cal said doubtfully. “What kind of present?”

“Massage oil,” said James. “So it’s kind of for me as well. I thought I could give you a massage. You said last night that your head was aching and your neck felt stiff and your back hurt sometimes when you coughed. I was worried. I thought a massage might relax you.”

“Turn me on, more like!” said Cal. He gave James a hug. “Thanks, James. You do have the best ideas.” He kissed James’ cheek and sat back. “You go and unpack my shopping then, pisliskurja. I’ll go and have a shower.” He dragged himself out of bed and started searching for clean clothes. James unpacked the shopping quickly and offered to help but Cal shook his head. “I’ve got everything now. But thanks. I love you.” He smiled and walked towards the door.

“Do you need me to come with you?” James offered. 

Cal went still and slowly turned round, one hand still on the door handle. “What, seriously? Yes please!”

James laughed. He went over to him and placed a gentle kiss on Cal’s nose. There were times when Cal’s sex-talk completely embarrassed him but at other times, there was something paradoxically innocent about it that made James adore him even more. “I just meant as far as the door. You said you nearly fainted on the way to the utility block last night, Cal. I was worried.”

Cal looked slightly shamefaced. “I might have exaggerated that a little bit. But I’m feeling a bit better today. I’ll be okay. It’s probably better if we’re not seen together. They’ll only get jealous of me for having such a hot boyfriend. I’m sure Myrah fancies you. That would explain a lot.”

**  
Cal’s bed was in a mess so James decided to tidy it up for him: he wanted Cal to be comfortable when he was having his massage. Once that was done he sat on the bed to wait, just thinking about Cal. He was relieved to see him so much better. He’d been so worried and had thought of little else. 

When Cal returned James got up to give him a hug and stopped, concerned. “Your hair’s wet.” It was hanging in damp little tendrils that were showing an adorable tendency to curl.

“Yeah, the water was wet,” Cal replied. “It usually is. Even when it’s ice, it’s wet.” He gave James a kiss. “Are we going to do this then?”

“If you mean a massage, yes,” said James. “If you mean something else, no.”

Cal made a sad face. “I can’t have a cuddle then?”

James put his arms around him. “A quick one.”

“You said it,” Cal said and James had to laugh.

“You know what I mean, love.” He sat Cal down on the bed. “No, don’t lie down yet: I’ll dry your hair for you.”

Cal lifted his eyebrows. “Kinky.”

“I don’t want you to make your cold worse.” James took the towel from Cal and tried not to think about the fact it had been all over his naked body. “Er… is this wet all over?”

“I rubbed it all over me so probably yes,” said Cal.

“Oh. Right.” James held the towel awkwardly, wondering what to do. “Er… do you have another towel?”

Cal laughed. “I am a little bit tempted to tell you to feel it all over till you found a dry patch. But my hair’s dripping down my neck a bit now.” He found a towel and gave it to James, who began to rub his hair dry. “Ow! Fuck, that hurt!” Cal turned his head and smiled cheekily at James. “Be gentle with me, James.”

“But I thought you liked it rough,” James managed to say through a blush.

Cal didn’t say anything for a while. “This might surprise you but actually I don’t. Not really. At least I don’t like the idea of it.”

“That’s probably just as well,” James said. “Considering you’re with me.” He buried his lips in Cal’s hair; then resumed drying his hair. He’d expected it to be a bit of a turn-on, like most things Cal asked him to do, but it was strangely relaxing. He liked looking after Cal, he realised. It was good to feel needed. It was good to feel someone actually appreciated his efforts. But most of all, he just loved doing everything he could to make Cal feel as happy as possible.

Although they weren’t looking at one another and were mostly silent, James felt very close to him. He felt Cal’s shoulders lift slightly before he started to cough and was already rubbing his back when the cough started. He heard Cal sniff just slightly and passed him a tissue. When Cal asked him if he was psychic, James replied that perhaps he was. He didn’t know exactly what Cal was thinking but he sensed that he was relaxed and content.

“How are you feeling?” James asked softly as he let Cal’s hair, now much dryer, fall through his fingers.

“Happy,” Cal replied. “A bit sleepy actually.”

“I hope the massage won’t send you to sleep,” James said.

Cal reached behind him to pat James’ thigh. “Don’t worry, James. I’m sure it won’t be that boring.” He paused. “But do you know something weird? I’m nearly on your lap; nearly in your arms and I’ve felt your hands all over my head. But I don’t think even my hair is wet now.”

“Perhaps you’re going off me,” James said, though he tried to keep the worry from his voice.

This made Cal laugh. “As if, James. I’ve loved you for five years. I don’t think I’m going to stop anytime soon. But I think that’s kind of why. Loving someone isn’t just about thinking they’re hot. It’s more than that. I don’t think I know how to say it without sounding like a twat but do you know what I mean?”

James placed the towel on the floor and put his arms around Cal, turning him to face him. “I know exactly what you mean.” They kissed, their lips clinging together and James felt his body shuddering with something that wasn’t quite lust. Cal was shaking too. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Cal answered, his eyes bright. “You’re just turning me on a bit, that’s all.” He pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor. “How about this massage then?”

He lay facedown on the bed. James looked down at his back: it looked almost like porcelain or ivory, in stark contrast with his black hair. James opened the bottle of massage oil and poured it onto his hands. It was colder than he’d expected and he rubbed his hands together, trying to warm the oil before it made contact with Cal’s skin.

Once he was satisfied, he held his hands parallel to Cal’s back and slowly lowered them onto Cal’s shoulders. He squeezed them just slightly before letting go and placing his palms on Cal’s shoulder blades. Next, he placed his hands on Cal’s ribs and then in the small of his back. He felt Cal shiver but knew he wasn’t cold.

“That feels good,” Cal said. 

James put his hands along Cal’s arms in a similar manner. When that was done, he put both hands on Cal’s shoulders again and moved the skin up and down; then from left to right. He made no attempt yet to knead his skin: that could come later. He wanted to loosen and relax it first.

“Have you done this before?” Cal said suddenly. He sounded as though he didn’t like that idea very much.

James realised he was jealous and felt a brief moment of triumph but after that all he wanted was to reassure Cal. “No. Never. Well, maybe on myself a little bit. Working on a farm does make your muscles ache.”

“Yes, I remember,” Cal said. He’d actually given James his first massage before they’d got together. James’ back was aching in a place he couldn’t reach. Cal had seen him stretching and had offered to help. James had expected it to hurt but it was lovely.

Then it was his turn to wonder if Cal had given someone a massage before but he knew there was a good chance he had. Cal had had a couple of boyfriends before James and Cal was definitely the physically affectionate type.

“But I’ve never given anyone else a massage before,” James told him as he increased the pressure, massaging with his fingers now.

Cal gave a deep sigh of contentment. “Fuck, that feels good.”

James was inclined to agree. Cal’s skin wasn’t exactly making him feel relaxed but he did like the feel of it. He felt his cock stir and went through the usual moment of embarrassment before he remembered it was all right to be turned on by your boyfriend. His fingers dug more deeply into Cal’s skin, smoothing away the remaining tension in his shoulders and back. 

Cal’s back was so beautiful, James thought. Some would consider it not sufficiently muscular but James loved him as he was. Big muscles weren’t natural to a man: they were something that had to be built up. Cal was just his own natural self. He was only fourteen so his muscles might well develop as he matured but James couldn’t imagine him messing around with weights; trying to be bigger than he naturally was.

Cal’s skin was soft and pliable from the massage. James ran a finger lightly down each side of his spine. Cal’s head was resting on his arms and James had wondered if he was asleep but at James’ touch a shiver ran through his body and a soft whisper reached James’ ears. Oh yes, James.

James let his fingertips patter lightly on Cal’s neck. He had to bend forward a bit to do this, his stomach against Cal’s side and his mouth directly above Cal’s spine. The white skin seemed to be taunting him, just as Cal did sometimes. Kiss me, James. You know you want to.

James realised he did want to. A moment later, he realised he was going to. He pressed his lips to Cal’s spine and heard his breathing quicken. James kissed up to where his spine met his head and then down again, all the way down to the waistline of his jeans. He put his hands on Cal’s shoulders as he kissed him some more, letting his lips linger, softening them against the creamy skin. Cal moaned with pleasure and begged James to continue.

He did, though he was quite close to moaning himself: he was fully erect now and aching for Cal; yet knowing nothing could happen yet. James bent over Cal again and kissed his back all over in random patterns that meant nothing other than that he didn’t want Cal to know where his lips would be next.

“Oh James,” Cal mumbled into his duvet. “Voliv tu, pisliskurja. Voliv tu.”

“Voliv tu, Cal,” James replied. He didn’t know why it was easy to tell Cal in Romani that he loved him: the words had just slipped out. The temperature in the caravan seemed to have risen : he sat up and removed his jumper and t-shirt.

“Don’t stop,” Cal was saying but his voice was slow and sleepy. James lay on his side next to Cal and put his arms around him. Cal rolled onto his side too and moved backwards into James’ arms, his newly-relaxed back, slick from the oil, against his chest. Cal put one arm behind him and across James’ body, resting his hand on his shoulder. With his other hand, Cal felt for one of the arms encircling his waist and held on to it.

James could feel his eyes closing. He knew it was dangerous. Although Cal had locked the door behind him, there was still a chance Eli would bang on the door until Cal opened it but James was so sleepy now, he could barely even remember who Eli was. Nothing seemed to matter but the warmth of Cal in his arms.

“I feel like a hot water bottle,” Cal said softly. “Hot and wet.”

James decided not to ask exactly what he meant by that. For once he was content to let the future take care of itself. He closed his eyes and together they fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cal has a few surprises for James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter - thank you to everyone who has read, commented or given kudos. I hope you've enjoyed the story.

There had been times over the last few days when James thought Cal had been making a little bit more of a fuss than he needed to. It wasn’t surprising that Cal was feeling a little bit weak and dizzy but he probably had leaned against James when it wasn’t strictly necessary (after all, Cal had been known to do that even when he wasn’t ill) and that time he’d nearly fainted into James’ arms, he’d recovered just a bit too quickly for that to be real.

But now James was the one in bed, he was starting to think that if anything Cal had underplayed his illness. James really did honestly feel like he was going to die and as he couldn’t find the strength to get out of bed and go to work on the farm, he couldn’t quite imagine how Cal had managed to get out of bed and wander halfway round the farm in search of him.

Even his mum had reluctantly agreed he could stay in bed today. She didn’t like it when James took time off and usually sent him out to work no matter how awful he was feeling but this time she’d decided he’d cause a lot more problems than he’d solve. 

James’ phone beeped. It was probably Cal again. The day before yesterday, when James had first started to show signs of illness, Cal hadn’t contacted him at all and James had hoped (much as he missed him) that this would be one of the times when Cal disappeared for a few days and not even Eli had any idea where he was. James didn’t want Cal to know he was ill because he knew Cal would feel guilty. He’d done his best not to cough or sneeze on James but the germs had still found a way. 

Unfortunately, on this occasion, Cal had only absented himself for one day and yesterday, he’d texted James at stupid o’clock to ask why he wasn’t working his usual early morning shift. James knew he should have just told the truth – Cal would prefer the truth to any lie – but instead he’d found himself concocting some ridiculous story about having a lie-in this morning and then going off to somewhere in the north of England to buy farm stock. Cal had berated him for not telling him before and James had hoped Cal was sufficiently annoyed to ignore James for several days but he’d texted only a few hours later to ask if James had left yet.

And so it had continued ever since. Every few hours, Cal texted (thank God he’d never actually phoned: he’d be able to tell from James’ voice that he had a cold) with a question about what James was doing and James sent a mendacious reply. It was all much easier than he’d expected. It was impossible for him to fool Cal face to face but when he was texting, he could say anything he liked.

The only trouble was that Cal found his replies so interesting, he kept asking for further details. This was no trouble for James in terms of content because he’d been to buy farm stock and equipment with his mum and he knew the kind of things that happened but any kind of thinking at all caused his head to ache and all he wanted was to throw the phone aside and crawl under the covers and wait till he either recovered or died. At this point, James really didn’t care which.

He felt so ill he barely even felt guilty for lying to Cal but he knew the guilt would cone.

James reached for the phone to find out what Cal wanted this time but the question he asked didn’t relate to the farm at all. 

_y havent u askd me how i am 2day x_

It took James’ tired brain a while to decipher this message but once it did, he dropped the phone onto the covers with a groan. It was true: he hadn’t even thought of asking how Cal was today. He also didn’t really feel like asking now: the phone had felt so heavy in his hands and the light from the screen was making his head ache but he didn’t want to upset Cal.

_Sorry love. I didn’t realise I hadn’t. How are you? x_

It was such an effort to type the words, James considered lapsing into text speak – it all seemed so much quicker – but Cal would definitely guess something was up if he did that. 

He waited for Cal’s reply. It didn’t take long.

_fkin awful still coffin still sneezin still runny nose ffs how much longer x_

It was the ‘coffin’ part that worried James the most but even once he’d worked out Cal’s spelling it wasn’t good news. If Cal wasn’t any better after… how long was it? More than a week, James was sure… then James had a very difficult week ahead of him. He wouldn’t have said Cal and his mum had that much in common but neither of them would be very happy if James spent the next week in bed. His mum would be furious about losing her best unpaid worker and Cal would be furious James had lied to him.

James didn’t know how he was going to find the energy to type another text but he couldn’t stay silent when Cal clearly needed a bit of comfort.

_I’m sorry love. I wish I was with you. Stay warm and get lots of rest and I’ll see you soon x_

Cal’s reply wasn’t long in coming. 

_thnx i love u x_

James felt a little bit teary as he looked at Cal’s message. ‘Love’ was probably the only word Cal could have shortened but never did. 

**  
Some time later, James opened his eyes. He wasn’t sure what had awakened him but he thought maybe his mum had come home for something. His head was aching and he thought he might be due for another paracetamol but unless he was going to swallow it dry, which he’d never been able to manage before, that meant going all the way to the bathroom for some water. James pushed himself up into a sitting position but every muscle in his body seemed to protest and he fell back down onto the pillows, coughing. 

“I knew it!” said a triumphant voice from the door.

“What?” James lifted his head, squinting as sunlight streamed through the windows, blinding him.

“I knew you were ill.” The voice sounded almost insufferably smug and not at all what James wanted to hear but then it changed. “And it’s my fault. I’m sorry, James.”

“Hi Cal,” James said, waving an awkward and rather floppy hand. “It’s not your fault, love. Everyone gets ill sometimes and I could have caught it from someone else.”

Cal came towards him and sat on the side of the bed, leaning over to give James a firm kiss. “Not that I should be kissing you after you lied to me.” 

“I’m sorry.” James held out his hand to Cal who took it in both of his. “I just didn’t want to worry you.” He started to cough again. 

“You silly twat,” Cal said affectionately. He leaned over to kiss James’ forehead. “I’m supposed to worry about you.”

James sniffed. “And I didn’t want you to blame yourself.” He sniffed again. “Cal-“

Cal was already holding out a tissue. “I really am sorry for infecting you. I really mean that. But I'm trying to make up for it.” He smiled at James. “Do you want to see what I’ve got for you then?” Cal leaned over the side of the bed and picked up a bag.

“You’ve got something for me?” James hadn’t felt interested in very much for the past couple of days but he looked at the bag with curiosity. 

“Lots and lots of things,” Cal said and sneezed.

James put his hand on Cal’s knee: the closest part he could reach. “Are you okay?”

“You know I’m not.” Cal wiped his nose. “Not all of us lie to our boyfriends in our texts, you know. I still feel pretty shit. But I knew you were probably feeling worse so here I am.”

James sat up and put his arms around Cal. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” said Cal. He gave James a kiss. “Now look and see what I’ve brought you. I found a twenty pound note in my caravan so I thought I’d spend it. I got you some tissues because you’ll need millions. I got you some new lemsips that aren’t out of date. They are actually completely gross but you can’t tell when you haven’t got a sense of taste and you probably haven’t, have you?”

“No,” said James. He reached for Cal’s hand. “Thank you.”

“I haven’t finished yet!” said Cal. He took out the flask James had lent him. “I made you some soup from the Bray family recipe which is probably nearly as nice as the stuff you made me.”

“Which you couldn’t taste,” James reminded him.

Cal shrugged. “I told you. I didn’t need to taste it to know it was good. And I got you some bottled water so you wouldn’t have to get out of bed when it’s time for your next paracetamol and the internet said something about vitamin C so I got you some little orange juices too.” He put the flask and various drinks on James’ bedside table.

James tried to stifle a sneeze. “You’re putting me to shame with all your thoughtfulness.”

“It’s easier for me,” said Cal. “You didn’t know how I felt. I know exactly how you feel. I got you a box of chocolates too which I’m hoping you’ll share with me. Look: your favourites.”

“Of course I’ll let you have one or two,” James said and gave Cal a hug. “Thanks, love.” He opened the box and offered it to Cal. Cal immediately selected the chocolate he knew was James’ least favourite.

“And I got you a book to read because I know you like reading,” Cal continued with his mouth full as he felt inside the bag again. “I didn’t know what to get you because I don’t always pay attention when you talk about books but I got you Gone with the Wind because it’s really long and I remembered how much you cried when you watched the film.”

“Thanks, that was nice of you,” James said, touched. “I’ve always wanted to read this.” He gave Cal a pointed look. “But don’t forget you cried too.”

Cal looked shocked. “I fucking didn’t!”

“But you did have tears in your eyes.” 

“That’s because I yawned! There’s a difference. It was past my bedtime, you know.”

James smiled. “I know. I remember Rob telling you.”

“Only about fifty million times!” said Cal. “And…” He paused, his hand in the bag. His cheeks were pink. “This is probably a bit silly and you probably don’t want it anyway and I’m probably just being a twat and actually you know what let’s just forget about that one and why don’t you have some soup?” Cal put the bag out of sight on the floor.

Laughing, James hugged Cal again. “If you bought it for me, I’m sure I’ll want it. Come on, love. What did you get me that’s so embarrassing? New pants?”

“What’s embarrassing about pants?” said Cal.

James decided not to answer that. “Flowers?”

Cal shook his head. “I thought about getting you flowers but I was worried they might make you sneeze and you’re probably doing enough sneezing already.”

James smiled. “You’ve got a point there. So what is it then?”

“I got you a… a cuddly horse,” Cal said, his face bright red now. “I thought maybe you could cuddle it when I wasn’t here. Which actually won’t be all that often because you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“Thanks. That’s really sweet of you,” said James. He’d never felt the need of a cuddly horse before but he didn’t see how he could fail to like it if Cal had given it to him. 

Cal had his hand in the bag and was talking again very rapidly as though he was trying to justify himself. “I thought… well… you do so much for the horses, it’s about time a horse did something for you for a change.” He finally took it out of the bag and held it out to James. “It looks like Blackout, don’t you think?”

James smiled. “Yes, it does a bit.” It was the right colour anyway.

“And it’s definitely about time Blackout did something to help you after all the time and money you’ve spent on her,” Cal said significantly.

“I’m sure she will help us once she’s racing,” James said. He gave Cal a hug and a kiss. “It’s great, Cal. Thanks.”

“And I’ve decided what I’m getting you for your 18th,” Cal said importantly.

James smiled and shook his head. “You don’t have to get me anything. All I really want is to spend the day with you.”

“You don’t get a choice about that,” said Cal. “Do you seriously think anything would keep me away? But I’m still getting you a present.”

“What is it then?” James asked without expecting an answer.

“Not telling you!” Cal kissed him. 

James pushed him away so he didn’t sneeze on him. “Do you know what I’d really like now?”

Cal considered. “Another hand job?” he asked hopefully.

James smiled. “That sounds good. Very good, actually. Though it’s really your turn.”

Cal gave him a doubtful look. “Are you sure you’re well enough?”

“I’m well enough for that,” James assured him. “But maybe I could have a paracetamol, some orange juice and some soup first? I need to get my strength up.” He wasn’t actually that hungry but he wanted to be properly appreciative when Cal had gone to so much trouble.

“Good idea: you should always have a main course before dessert,” Cal said. He propped James’ pillows up for him and sat beside him on the bed. Then he passed him the water and a paracetamol. “And speaking of getting things up… you’ve kind of got me up already.”

James choked on his water. Cal patted him on the back.

“What’s wrong?” Cal said in an innocent voice that wasn’t matched by the expression in his eyes. “All I said was that you’d got me up out of my sick bed. What did you think I meant?”

“Nothing,” James said quickly and gulped down some more water. “I mean I thought you meant what you said. Nothing else entered my mind. At all.”

Cal smiled and picked up the flask of soup. “I hope you don’t mind it hot.”

“No. Of course not,” said James. He tried not to appear flustered. “I’m looking forward to tasting it.”

“Yeah, it tastes good,” Cal said as he gave James the flask. “There’s this really good feeling you get when it’s inside your mouth and you’re just sort of sucking it, letting your tongue have a good slurp on it. But it is very hot. You’ll need to blow it for a while before you think about swallowing.”

James bent his head, letting the heat of the soup warm his face and hide his blushes. Only Cal could make an invalid’s soup sound rude. 

James had a mouthful and tasted nothing but it didn’t matter. He could feel the comforting warmth of the soup inside him and he was with Cal. He didn’t see how life could be any better. His cold would get better after all. Even his fears that Cal didn’t love him didn’t seem to matter so much. Would he really have done all this for James if he didn’t care about him? “Delicious, Cal.”

Cal gave him a naughty look. “Am I? Thank you! You’re delicious too. But what do you think of the soup?”

James kissed him. “It’s the best soup I’ve ever had.”


End file.
